Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

Being a woman from the South, we’re taught at a young age that telling our true age just isn’t done. I have often aligned myself in this manner with Blanche Devereaux (Golden Girls Rue McClanahan character if you have NO idea who I’m talking about – you can Google her). But, I’m going to break that rule and just lay it out there – I turned 57 recently. There, I said it, and all is still good in my world. The sky didn’t crash down on me. Since my 55th birthday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of reflecting on my life. I’ve learned not to look backwards because it’s back there and there’s nothing new my past can tell me. If I could change anything of the past, I wish that my future self could have transported back to that earlier time and shared some pieces of advice that just might have resulted in me making a few different choices. For the most part, I would tell my younger self to stay single longer. I would tell her that there is a fullness to single life that should be embraced daily. There is something pretty nice about being responsible for no one but oneself. I would also tell my younger self not to get caught up in the comparison game and remember to love me every day no.matter.what. Social media has taken the comparison game to a whole different level! I would remind myself to tell the image looking back at me that I love her. Perspective is important, and the little stuff isn’t. The key though, is figuring out what the little stuff is. Here are a few other things I would say to myself:

1. You are beautiful.

Ahhh….the comparison game. Why her? Why is she prettier, skinnier, has clearer skin, (feel free to insert your “why her” questions here)? I would tell my younger self that she is also asking herself the same questions of someone else, perhaps even comparing herself to me. The point is even though you might feel unattractive and blah you actually look amazing! I look back at pictures of my younger self and think “Wow! I was beautiful! Why didn’t I see that then?!?!”

By my late 40s I had to wait 5 minutes for my behind to make it through a door before it could be closed. Well, not really, but the point is, I could no longer eat a basket of chips with queso without feeling it in my pants waistline. And those low riding jeans (we used to call them “hip huggers” in the day!) forget it! No one wants to see my backside! I am convinced that my closet hates me and consistently shrinks my clothes when the light goes off. To stay anywhere close to my teen and 20’s weight I would tell my younger self that I’m going to need to move a little more, eat a little less, and eat foods that don’t come in a package or can be bought from the driver’s seat of my car. At the same time, enjoy life, eat the cupcake! I would tell my younger self to see the mirror as a friend. I would tell my younger self that I am amazing. I would tell my younger self not to criticize this amazing creature of God looking back at me. Tell yourself every day that you love yourself and don’t take you for granted! I’m not kidding – look in the mirror and give yourself some mirror love.

2. Believe in yourself.

I spent an enormous amount of my life with limiting beliefs about what I could and couldn’t do. If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her “Your beliefs are your choice so make the choice to believe in yourself no matter what anyone else says.” The Universe is open to you. Your wish is its command. Believe you deserve it and the Universe will serve it up. You gotta believe that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Even if you don’t know “how,” take steps toward your goals and the requirements will be met. Resources will show up and ideas will come to you. It may take you some time to figure out your purpose on this earth but you gotta start somewhere. If money and time were not factors, what is the biggest dream you have? What do you want to be, do, or have? Put your hand on your heart and ask yourself what you want. Your heart knows the way – run in that direction. Go on, stop reading for a minute, think about it, and then write it down. One of the reasons most people aren’t living their best life is that they haven’t decided what they want OR they flood themselves with limiting beliefs. The first thing that comes to your mind is always the right thing. Don’t live someone else’s dreams. Don’t become numb to your own desires. Start on the most basic level and honor your preferences in every situation no matter the size of the preference. Once I figured out how to get out of my own way the best thing I’ve ever done is to believe in myself. Believe in yourself!

3. Be your own best friend.

My younger self had a lot of friends and that was way before the days of selfies and the like. In my 20s and 30s and since then, my circle of friends was and is much smaller. It used to bother me. What happened? Nothing really – just life, jobs, families, kids, the usual. In today’s world, if I rely on social media to gauge anyone’s popularity, getting “likes” and having many “followers” is seen as a benchmark for success and popularity. But I don’t think so. Having friends is important. Connections and networks are important. It’s good to have people in your life who cheer for you, guide you, and give you advice but you must be willing to encourage yourself and be your own best friend so that you can keep the momentum going when the “likes and followers” are silent. The only person who will be with you for all your life, all the time, is YOU! The most important thing I would tell my younger self is to fill life with experiences, not things, and have stories to tell, not stuff to show. Life goes by so fast.

4. Keep your independence, even if you’re in a committed relationship.

Being single is great! It’s the only time in your life when you can do exactly what you want to do without checking in, compromising, or making concessions. You can eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese right out of the pan without guilt. You can flirt with whomever you want. You can go for days without putting makeup on…and those pajamas you’ve been in for three days? You are rocking them! So, enjoy your singleness as long as you can stand it.

For me, being married to the right person (“wasbands” #1 and #2 weren’t the right people) is awesome. Even though it took three attempts, I finally got it right and I LOVE being married! Togetherness and friendship with a spouse is a blessing that can’t be matched. But I love my space too. When he goes away on a fishing trip, I like (and sometimes dislike) the quietness of the house. One of the first things I do is clean and then I spend the remainder of his absence swirling around in it. Nothing to pick up, nothing to hang up for the rest of his absence. The other thing I do is sleep in the middle of the bed – it’s mine, all mine! And then, I don’t sleep well because he’s not there. Tradeoffs. Even though I love being married, I also crave quiet time when we’re together and sometimes that is harder to come by. Tradeoffs. When my quiet time is interrupted, I remind myself that there will be a day when I will miss the interruptions and then I turn to him with a smile (most of the time). As you get older your priorities shift. Commitment is a precious gift but don’t forget to love the person looking back at you in the mirror. Take time daily to be with you. Your future self will love you for the habit you’re building.

5. Adopt smart and healthy habits.

I have already lived longer than my older brother did. He lost a battle with melanoma, so it goes without saying that I would tell my younger self to adopt the habit of wearing sunscreen, a hat, sunglasses, and long sleeves (really? in the summer heat?). I would also tell my younger self to establish a powerful morning routine and work out regularly. It’s taken a while for me to get where I am now, but I spend the first hour of every morning in prayer/Bible study, meditation, and reading something uplifting and inspirational. I don’t look at the news – what’s the point? And, then I exercise – weights/light cardio 2x/week and intense cardio 4x/week – Sunday is a day of rest and family/friendship time. It takes discipline and dedication to develop healthy goals and make them habits. So, I would also tell my younger self that it’s important to keep your agreements, especially with yourself. I promise that once you establish healthy habits, you’ll see the immediate impact on a day that you miss doing something.

6. Manage your finances.

I was blessed to be raised by parents who were good with managing money, even though there never seemed to be enough of it (that’s one point of being good with managing it, right?). They raised a family of 4 children on my Dad’s military salary. Mama stayed at home for a large portion of my childhood. She also taught me how to balance a checkbook and grocery shop on a budget. My parent’s instruction was so valuable that I bought my first home when I was 22. I learned very early that it’s important to say “NO” to spending beyond your means! Spending every cent you have is a huge mistake and being in debt is an even bigger one. I began saving my money when I received my first paycheck at the age of 13. If you begin to save even the seemingly small amount of $10/week in your twenties, you can retire as a wealthy person in your 60s. Whether you realize it or not, there are consequences to spending more than you can afford and not living on a budget. Unless you’re a trust fund baby (and most of us are not) you could find yourself in a financial hole that is hard to dig out of. Pay yourself first, and then pay the government, tithe, donate to a cause, pay your bills, and finally have some fun with what is left over. There are many fun things you can do that cost little to nothing.

7. Always be humble and kind.

That’s the title to a country music song and it is something I wish my younger self had done a better job of accomplishing. I wasn’t always humble or kind. Oh, if I could pull back the words and actions that hurt others. If I could undo it all I would. What we give we get, and for every unkind word or egoistic action I took, I received the same and it hurt. My younger self was so full of ego and what a waste! The good news is that my older self has forgiven me. I found the strength to open up and make peace with my past self. What I know now that I wish my younger self had known is that there is enough to go around. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind. C. S. Lewis said “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” I like that.

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When I think back on my younger self, I know I had some great experiences, made a few mistakes and choices, but I grew into a person that I am proud of. Pretty neat, I’d say!